


Stars in His Eyes

by lalalalobotomy



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), All Time Low (Band), As It Is (Band), Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, road trip au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-07-12 18:56:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16001282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalalalobotomy/pseuds/lalalalobotomy
Summary: Awsten's been falling apart for weeks, so when his best friend Alex declares they're all going on a road trip for a summer, he's rightfully nervous. But sleeping out under the stars can't be that bad, can it?





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! So this is my first ever fic, and I'm really excited about it! It's going to probably get heavy at times, so there will always be trigger warnings before the chapter! If you ever want a summary, please message me on tumblr (@la-la-lalobotomy). Hope y'all enjoy!

Awsten is cold. He’s cold and exhausted and all he really wants to do right now is go to sleep. But he can’t and that makes everything infinitely worse. And he’s been trying so hard for so long, and honestly he’s not sure how much more of this he can keep up. The smiles and the laughter and being fucking _okay_. It’s a mask that has become too heavy to wear.  
“Hey, Awsten. You okay?” Jawn asks, snapping him out of his thoughts.  
“Yeah!” He replies, almost instinctually plastering a smile on his face. “Just a little lost in thought. Sorry.”  
“Alex is coming over in a half-hour. There was something he’s really excited about, apparently, but he wants it to be a surprise.”  
“Oh, right.“ Awsten forgot, his voice tight and shaky. He can’t believe he _forgot. You’re best friend is coming over and you forgot. God could you be a worse person?_ The lump in his throat swells and he’s about two seconds away from falling apart. Which he can’t do now because he’s with Jawn and its been weeks and Awsten should be better by now and Jawn shouldn’t have to worry about him crying all the damn time.  
Jawn shoots a glance over and gives Awsten a small smile before reaching out and rubbing small circles on the back of his hand.  
The worst part might be how amazing Jawn’s been. When Awsten called him having panic attack after panic attack at two in the morning, Jawn drove over to his house every single time and held him until he fell back asleep. He’d cancel his own plans to just sit with Awsten and make sure he was doing alright. And it’s great, but it really only serves to make Awsten more guilty. Because Jawn has a life _and I’m being so selfish and needy. I shouldn’t rely on him for everything. God what a fucking selfish and needy person- could you get any more pathetic?_  
“I’m okay, really,” Awsten says, looking over towards Jawn. They sit in silence, watching whatever mindless show Jawn had turned on on the TV when he came over.  
A knock on the door of his apartment makes Awsten jump.  
“Coming.” He calls before hauling himself up off the couch and shuffling over to the door. Awsten takes a deep breath. _It’s just Alex. He’s one of your best friends. Theres literally nothing to freak out over. Pull yourself together. _Mental pep talk finished, he turns the lock and opens the door.__  
At first he just sees Alex. But a second later he sees the boy standing next to him, and his heart immediately starts racing and his chest feels tight and it feels like someone has filled his lungs with static. His hands are shaking. He’s never been good with new people, and he didn’t know that Alex was bringing someone else. He vaguely remembers a text that mentioned a friend of Alex’s, but with everything going on it had slipped his mind. _Just another damn thing you forgot._  
The other boy smiles, and Awsten tries to calm down and look at him. He has the softest blue eyes Awsten has ever seen. Like the summer sky or blue cotton candy from the carnival he went to as a kid. They’re warm and kind and soft and safe. It’s enough to bring the breath back into his lungs and slow his heart down just enough to stave off a full on panic attack.  
“I’m Geoff. You must be Awsten. Nice to meet you!”


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm finally back with a new chapter! Sorry this one took so long, my first semester of college got really crazy and I didn't really get a chance to write. But in 2019 I'm hoping to be more consistent with uploads! Thanks for reading and I hope you like the new chapter!!

Y-yeah. Nice to meet you. Come on in,” Awsten stutters out. Alex bounds through the door, smile wide on his face. Geoff gives a sheepish grin and follows Alex at a much more sedate pace.

Awsten closes the door and follows them over to the couch. Jawn has switched off the TV and Alex is animatedly telling him something about his day. Geoff sits on the smaller couch across from them, quiet but engaged.

Still a little shaky, Awsten sits down beside Geoff. He’s trying to pay attention to what Alex is saying, but his mind keeps racing back to the boy sitting next to him.  
“So, what’s this exciting news you’ve been teasing all week?” Jawn asks with a grin.

Alex’s smile seems to broaden, though Awsten doesn’t know how that is possible. “So, I don’t know if you remember that contest I entered with AP magazine, the one for the all expenses paid road trip for the entire summer. Well, I got the email Monday, and we’re going road tripping boys!”

“Dude that’s sick!” Jawn replies.

“Yeah, there’s space for eleven on the bus. So it’s going to be us four, Otto and Jack, who you both know, and then Patty, Ashton, Luke, Calum, and Michael."

"I'm pumped. This is definitely going to be a summer to remember!" Jawn says.

"I was thinking of having a little get together before we head out. Something real low-key, just so everyone can get to know each other before we spend three months out on the road." Alex says.

"I'm in!"

Awsten’s heart is beginning to race. Spending three whole months with a bunch of people he doesn't know is bad enough, but the fact that they'll all be on a bus together and he'll get no time to himself is enough to send him spiraling.

"You've been quiet, Awsten." Alex says.

Awsten forces a smile on his face, "Nah, I'm really excited.” Which is perhaps the biggest lie he’s ever told.

Alex and Geoff stay until about 11. Awsten’s tired, but it’s not like he was going to get a good night's sleep anyway. Eventually Alex, Geoff, and Jawn bid their goodbyes.

“It was nice to meet you. I’ll see you at the coffee thing, yeah?” Geoff asks.

“Yeah, course. It was nice meeting you too.” Awsten says.

Jawn pulls him in for a tight hug. “Call if you need anything,” he tells Awsten with earnest brown eyes.

Awsten nods and shuts the door behind him. Left alone in his apartment, he lets out a sigh and reluctantly gets ready for bed, hoping this time he won’t wake himself up screaming.

…

“Hey, man! How you doing? I haven’t seen you in days.” Alex says, after making himself comfortable on Awsten’s couch. The day he’s been dreading is finally here. They’re leaving from his apartment for the coffee shop down the street in about a couple of minutes and he’s going to have to meet so many new people and they’re all going to hate him and his heart has been doing flips in his chest since he woke up this morning and this was such a bad idea why did he ever agree to go on this trip.

“I’m alright. And yourself?”

“Good. Excited! You sure you’re alright? You look kind of tired."

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.”

“Awsten, you have nothing to be sorry for. I just worry about you, y’know.” Alex says, giving Awsten a soft smile. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah, let me just grab my wallet.”

The walk to the coffee shop is nice. The heat hasn’t become sweltering yet, although in August it’s going to be pretty brutal. The sun’s out and the clouds are white and fluffy.

The shop itself is only three blocks from his apartment and fuels the bigger part of his caffeine addiction. The wall facing the street is entirely made out of windows. Inside there’s big, comfy chairs and tables where people often work.

He and Alex order drinks and make their way over to the cluster of chairs by the window. Jawn’s already there, which calms Awsten down a little. He’s talking to Otto, laughing at something he said. Awsten’s met Otto before, too, and he seems nice enough. He knows Jack, Alex’s long time crush, but he’s not here yet. He’s a bit wild for Awsten’s taste, but never fails to leave everyone in stitches. And of course, he met Geoff a couple of days ago. _So, you already know over half the people going. It won’t be so bad. It’s only five new people he says in a feeble attempt to stop his stomach tying itself in knots._

He sits next to Jawn, tuning into the conversation between him and Otto. _See, so far it’s not that bad. Everything’s going to be fine._

“Awsten! It’s been too long! How’ve you been doing?” Otto asks.

“I’ve been alright. And yourself?”

“Good! Excited to get away for awhile. Plus, I’m a sucker for long drives.”

“That’s a hell of an understatement! We used to drive for hours when we were younger, just listening to music and talking. Spent practically our whole allowance on gas!” Alex interjects.

“Shut up! You liked it just as much as I did.” Otto says with a wide grin.

Alex holds up his hands in surrender, “Well, you’ve got me there. I am actually pretty excited about seeing more of the country. Just hope no one gets carsick. That’d be pretty miserable.”

The little bell above the door chimes, and Jack walks in followed by a boy he doesn’t recognize. He has jet black hair and piercing blue eyes. Awsten's heart starts to race again. He knew that he'd meet the other boys eventually. But everything he tried to do to keep himself calm has flown out the window. He reaches for his cup of coffee, but it shakes obviously in his hands, and he sure as hell can't deal with the attention if someone notices, so he sets it back on the table.

Jawn, as if sensing there's something wrong, gives him a small smile. Awsten tries to conjure up something in return, but he's sure it looks more like a grimace than anything else. _You don't even know Geoff that well, so really you don’t know half of them and this was such a bad idea. I can't do this. They're going to hate me or end up like him Ican’tdothisIcan’tdothis._

Awsten glances at Alex from the side opening his mouth to tell him that he’s so sorry but he doesn't think he can do the road trip after all, but immediately notices his change in body language. Alex has leaned forward ever so slightly and his eyes go wide before flicking down to his drink. It’s subtle, and Awsten doesn’t even know if he realizes that he’s doing it.

The pair make their way to the counter and then over to where the little group is seated. Jack gives a wicked grin and plops himself down right next to Alex. The other boy chooses an empty seat next to Otto, directly across from Awsten.

He gives a smile and a waves. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Patty,” he says with a hint of an English accent.

“A-awsten. Nice to meet you,” Awsten replies. His stutter gets worse when he’s anxious, and it’s been back with vengeance the past couple of days.

Jack smiles and gives an enthusiastic wave when he sees Awsten. He’s glad that Jack is coming on the road trip. He is goofy and confident and always seemed to make him worry a little less.

“So, Alex, you’re bringing your guitar, right?” Jack asks, making puppy dog eyes in his direction.

“Yeah, I guess I could. Don’t really know if people would want me to play.” Alex says.

“Of course we want you to play! Plus I’m going all in on this camping shit which means bonfires, guitars, and s’mores.” Jack says with a laugh.

“Well, can’t really argue with you there,” Alex responds, grin spreading across his face. The other boys chime in their agreement.

The bell chimes yet again and Geoff walks through the doors. Awsten’s not really sure why his heart skips a beat when he sees him walk through the doors or why it does again when he chooses the seat on the other side of him.

“How are you doing Awsten?” he asks.

“Okay. And yourself?”

“Good. Though I haven’t started packing yet and we’re leaving in two days.”

“That’s okay. I haven’t either.” Truth is Awsten’s tried to start packing for days now. HIs mind is really good at convincing him to put everything off because maybe, just maybe, if he doesn’t pack, then he won’t go. And if he doesn’t go then he won’t have to meet anyone new or worry about having a panic attack in front of everyone. That’s what he’s most scared of. Falling apart and having everyone look on with fucking pity while he desperately tries to pick up the pieces.

Geoff looks around, surveying the group. “Do you know who we’re still waiting on? I figured I’d be the last one here.”

“I-I’m not sure. I haven’t met them yet, they’re other friends of Alex’s. I think they’re four more, though,” Awsten stutters out.

“Yeah, they said they’d be here soon, but they were running a little behind,” Alex chimes in.

The coffee shop hums cheerfully with noise of the patrons talking and the machines whirring. It’s cool, much cooler than outside, and the warm drink in his hands has begun to ease his fears ever so slightly. He feels his eyelids become a little heavy. It’s been weeks since he’s slept through the night, and the white noise of the coffee shop is almost lulling him to sleep.

The bell yet again jolts him from his thoughts, and four boys walk in. They’re smiling and their eyes light up when they see Alex. The one in front with blonde hair and hazel eyes bounds over and gives him a hug.

“Ashton! It’s been too long!”

The other three come over at a little bit more of a sedate pace, but all of them give Alex a tight hug before sitting down.

Awsten is a little surprised. He’s never really heard Alex mention any of them, and Alex doesn’t tend to be super openly affectionate. _He probably is and you’re just a bad friend. He hates you, you should know them, he hates you he hates you hehatesyou._

“I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Ashton, and that’s Luke, Calum, and Michael,” he says gesturing over to the three other boys he walked in with.

“Good to meet you man! I’m Geoff and this is Awsten,” Geoff responds for the both of them, probably noticing how pale Awsten’s gone.

“You guys excited for the road trip? I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“Yeah! Should be a summer to remember.”

Now that the whole group was here, the atmosphere became more relaxed. Awsten finds himself talking to Geoff, Patty and Calum about nothing in particular. But they all seem really nice, and genuinely interested in what he has to say even if the words feel thick and awkward coming out.

The whole gathering lasts about an hour, and by the end Awsten has reached a new level of exhaustion he didn’t think was possible.

“Don’t forget, we’re meeting outside my place Saturday morning around 10, so we get to the first campsite before dusk!” Alex says, and the boys begin to adjourn.

Jawn makes his way through the group and tables stacked with empty cups towards where Awsten is standing. He’s pulled out his phone and is absently scrolling through social media in a vain attempt to feel less awkward.

“You ready to head out?” Jawn asks when he reaches him.

“Yeah”

The pair walks out the door and back down the street towards Awsten’s apartment.

“Bye Awsten, it was nice seeing you again! See you Saturday!” Geoff calls from the other side of the street. Awsten gives a smile and waves before continuing on his way.


End file.
